just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
