Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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