Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize