i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize