I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
