Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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