So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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