So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
