No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
