I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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