I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
