I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
