I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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