I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
