she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
