Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
