five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
