i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
