woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
