Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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