he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
