I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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