That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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