i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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