; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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