I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
