I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The uberlube is also flammable
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
