FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
