fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
