Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
