Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
