my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
