Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
