We got so high we made milksteak
meet me or not, i'm out of control
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
