So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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