I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
