Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
