Porn is love you can see.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
