there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
