Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize