if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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