did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
