the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
