i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
