so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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