Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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