I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
