God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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