im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
