In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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