What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
