dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
