it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
