You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
