i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
