He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
