I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
