Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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