he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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