you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
