I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
