I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
