If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
