Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
