He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize