So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
