I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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