so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
