it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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