I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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