Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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