His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
