Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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